George's Valedictory Letter

So this is a blog post about a blog post about an open letter to the American people.

Let's start at the chronological beginning of that sentence which is at the grammatical end.

The open letter in question was published some 221 years ago in what turned out to be America's first successful daily newspaper, Philadelphia's American Daily Advertiser.  It was quickly picked up by other newspapers across the nascent country and was also turned into a pamphlet for even wider distribution.

The primary author of the letter had help.  His first unsigned co-author was the "Father of the Constitution," James Madison.  The letter was set aside when circumstances changed and it was temporarily not applicable.  Then, four years later, Alexander Hamilton helped the primary author update and finish the letter.  The author was George Washington.  The first version was set aside when, at the end of his first term, Washington changed his previously made up mind and decided to run for a second term.  The updated version of the letter came about when Washington decided that twice was enough and he wanted nothing more than to retire to Mt. Vernon.  The letter was originally published with the title, "The Address of General Washington To The People of The United States on his declining of the Presidency of the United States."  It was later renamed and we still know it today by that name: Washington's Farewell Address.

James Madison, Father of the Constitution, Father of the Bill of Rights, but not of any actual children

Lin-Manuel Miranda, as portrayed by Alexander Hamilton

George Washington, 1st US President, Infamous slaughterer of cherry trees

Pretty much everyone's heard of the Address, and some have heard of one of the more famous passages, an admonition against permanent foreign alliances (if you heard it as entangling alliances, as I did, well, that's actually from Thomas Jefferson's first inaugural address, five years after Washington's missive of departure).  But I'd wager that few have read it, and I'd be willing to wager a lot that even fairly fanatic history buffs such as myself have not read the whole thing.

Why am I so sure?  Because Washington's Farewell Address to the nation he helped create and get up and running is 6,144 words of what is to modern ears dense, highly-convoluted prose.  Unless you're experienced with 19th century writing and really determined to read it, it is at times nearly impenetrable.  There's a single sentence near the end - one that's not a run-on or compound sentence - that has 58 words, broken up with 11 commas.  That sentence is actually one of the easy ones to read.

I bring this up because of a blog post about Washington's Farewell Address that I just came across.  It was written 10 years ago by Randall Munroe, author of the nerdy/geeky webcomic, xkcd.com.  In this post, Munroe took the time (probably quite a bit of it) to translate the Address into common, current language. 

The results of Munroe's efforts are remarkable.  The Address becomes understandable to speakers of 21st century English. As an example, here are the first two paragraphs of the Address, as written by George (and Company):

The period for a new election of a citizen, to administer the executive government of the United States, being not far distant, and the time actually arrived, when your thoughts must be employed designating the person, who is to be clothed with that important trust, it appears to me proper, especially as it may conduce to a more distinct expression of the public voice, that I should now apprize you of the resolution I have formed, to decline being considered among the number of those out of whom a choice is to be made.

I beg you at the same time to do me the justice to be assured that this resolution has not been taken without a strict regard to all the considerations appertaining to the relation which binds a dutiful citizen to his country; and that in withdrawing the tender of service, which silence in my situation might imply, I am influenced by no diminution of zeal for your future interest, no deficiency of grateful respect for your past kindness, but am supported by a full conviction that the step is compatible with both.

Like I said, dense and convoluted writing style.  But the ideas being conveyed aren't so difficult. Here is Munroe's translation:

Elections are coming up, and it’s time to figure out who we wanna give the keys to.  I figure it might clear things up if I take a sec to explain why I’m not running.

Now, I care about the future, don’t get me wrong, and thanks for your trust so far.  I just think me quitting is a good idea on all counts.

I’ve been president twice now, and I didn’t want to do it either time.  I tried to quit the first time, but the country was in trouble and every single person around me begged me to stay on.

I’m glad to say we’re pretty much in the clear now and I can get out of here without getting screamed at or letting things fall apart completely.

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My favorite part, though, is the salutation.  Washington opened with, "Friends and fellow-citizens" which Munroe rendered as, "Sup."

What makes Munroe's translation a must-read, however, is not his entertaining treatment of the work, his breezy style, and the roughly 45% reduction in word count to 2,270.  No, what makes this a must-read is Washington's prescience and how applicable the Farewell Address still is, well over two centuries into the future.

About the only thing Washington didn't foresee was the nullification of his strong and rational reasoning behind the advice against permanent foreign alliances.  Washington (as well as many Presidents after him) were worried that those alliances with major powers like Britain, France, Spain and the Netherlands would lead to perpetual servitude of the little, mostly powerless United States.  He couldn't foresee the US becoming the most militarily and economically powerful and culturally dominating country ever. 

There are many other ideas that George did get right and still apply.  I won't list them here because Munroe's translation is so good that I can't do it justice paraphrasing it.  So go to the xkcd blog and read it for yourself: https://blog.xkcd.com/2007/01/29/washingtons-farewell-address-translated-into-the-vernacular/

And if you want to see the original, it can be found at 
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Washington%27s_Farewell_Address